Are bedtime power struggles getting in the way of you or your child’s beauty sleep? Does your child refuse to go to bed when you tell them to? Is your child not understanding the importance of sleep?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, don’t worry – you’re not alone.
In fact, one of our loyal readers is going through a similar situation as we speak.
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“Anybody have any advice on getting my 2.5 year old to sleep in her own big girl bed in her own big girl room?” they wrote in our Answers by Mamas Uncut forum – where mothers go to support one another.
She went on to explain that her daughter had been sleeping with her and her husband for the past two and a half years, but she now has her own ‘big girl’ room and the transition isn’t quite going as planned.
“I know it will take time but so far last night and tonight we have laid her down around 7:30 and she just plays in her room and won’t sleep,” our reader wrote – which is something any parent can 100% relate to.
The Nightly Power Struggle That Has Most Parents Befuddled
“It’s time to go to bed” are six words no child wants to hear, no matter how late it’s getting or how tired they are. And let’s be honest – no parent is prepared for what might happen once they utter those words.
With that said, most parents come across three primary issues when putting a child to bed:
1. They won’t stay in their room at night.
2. They’ll stay in their room, but not in their bed.
3. They’ll lay in their bed, but not fall asleep.
Dealing with one, two, or all three of these issues can turn any bedtime routine into a nightmare situation for both the parent and child – often resulting in the type of scenario our loyal reader explained above.
But don’t worry – the Mamas Uncut community has your back!
We understand how frustrating this bedtime battle can be, so we’re going to give you five tips on all three scenarios – getting them to stay in their room, getting them to stay in bed, and getting them to fall asleep.
How to Get Your Child to Stay in Their Room at Night
Bedtime is supposed to be a win-win situation. Not only does your child get some much-needed rest, which is crucial to their growth and development, but the parents get some much-needed alone time.
Ideally, parents would get to spend that alone time doing whatever they please.
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Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case when you have a little one(s) in the home.
For most parents, that alone time is almost always cut short when their child walks into the room wanting attention. “I can’t sleep. I’m scared. I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to play” – parents have heard it all.
If this is the type of scene you deal with on a nightly basis, here are five tips to help you fix it.
5. The ‘100 Walks’ Method
The ‘100 Walks’ technique is a great way to teach your child that getting out of bed does not result in prolonged attention or additional privileges. It might take some time and patience, but it’s totally worth it.
The concept is simple: when your child leaves their room, walk them back and tuck them back in.
Try to avoid engaging in conversation or making eye contact. Simply remind them that it’s bedtime and leave the room. You’ll have to repeat this each time they leave the room – hence the name ‘100 walks.’
4. Take Advantage of Bedtime Passes
A ‘bedtime pass’ is a tangible pass, like a card or a small ticket, that a child can use to get out of bed for a legitimate reason after bedtime – such as a potty break, one more bedtime story, or a glass of water.
Think of it like a hallpass, but for bedtime.
You get to set the rules, but most parents give their child one bedtime pass every day or a certain amount every week (like an allowance). They can use them as they wish, but once they’re gone – they’re gone.
3. Make Sure Your Child Gets Enough Attention During the Day
Children naturally crave attention and connection with their parents. If they feel they haven’t received enough attention during the day, they may try to get it at night – even if it interferes with their bedtime.
To avoid this, make sure you’re spending enough quality time with your child during the day.
That means engaging in activities that they enjoy and making them feel valued and heard. It might not always result in a smooth transition from playtime to bedtime, but even then – it certainly has its benefits.
2. Positive Reinforcement & Encouragement
Positive reinforcement and continued encouragement help children associate their bedtime routine with positive and uplifting experiences – making them more likely to look forward to and adhere to the routine
In other words, when kids know they will receive praise or a reward, they are more motivated to comply.
To achieve this, make sure you give immediate and specific praise anytime your child follows a bedtime rule – no matter how big or small the task. For example, “I’m so proud of you for staying in bed all night!”
1. Install a Baby Gate in Their Room
A baby gate can enhance safety by preventing your child from wandering into other areas of the house unsupervised – which can, in turn, reinforce the idea that they need to stay in their room until morning.
It’s usually only applicable to younger children because older children will figure out how to open it.
Of course, buying the right gate can make all the difference. Opt for one that’s sturdy and secure, one that has a child-proof locking mechanism that your child cannot easily open, and one that’s tall enough.
How to Get Your Child to Stay in Their Bed at Night
Getting your child to stay in their room at night is one thing, but getting them to stay in their bed is a completely different story – and having one without the other can undermine your nightly bedtime routine.
Not only that, but it can create a lot of angst in the household.
A child who is up and about in their room won’t be getting the rest they so desperately need. And the longer they stay up, the more tired they’ll be in the morning – which means they’re more likely to be fussy.
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And, let’s not forget – their nocturnal activities could very well disturb the rest of the house and get in your way of enjoying your night. By the time morning comes, no one is in a good mood and everyone’s tired.
If this sounds like your household, here are some tips to help you minimize the damage:
5. Try Sleeping In Your Child’s Room for a Few Days
If your child doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping in their bed by themselves, try sleeping in their bed with them for a few days as this can help soothe your child’s anxieties and fears about sleeping alone.
But make sure you approach this technique with caution and clear boundaries.
To avoid creating new sleep associations that might be hard to break, it’s important that parents slowly and gradually wean away from sleeping in their bed – which is why they call it a ‘gradual withdrawal.’
4. Try the ‘Chair Method’
After completing your normal bedtime routine, set up a chair alongside your child’s bed and sit there until they fall asleep. Your presence will provide comfort and reassurance as they nod off – hopefully for good.
This method can be used as the next step after sleeping in their bed for a few days.
In order for the ‘chair method’ to work, you’ll need to gradually move the chair further and further away from your child’s bed while they fall asleep – until the chair is literally outside your child’s bedroom.
3. Explain Why They Need to Sleep in Their Bed
Teaching your child to sleep in their bed at night is no different than teaching your child to do anything else – in order to find success, you must first explain to them why it’s important they do it a certain way.
That’s why parents need to be open and honest about why they’re being asked to sleep in their own bed.
And make sure you explain the benefits of sleeping in their own bed – such as having their own private space, feeling independent and proud, and being able to decorate their room or bed the way they like.
2. Listen to Your Child’s Concerns – And Understand Them
If your child’s refusing to sleep in their bed, chances are they have some real fears, anxieties, or concerns with it. As their parent, it’s your responsibility to listen to and understand your child’s various concerns.
Again, that means having an honest and open conversation with them.
If they’re scared because it’s too dark, buy them a nightlight. If they’re scared because they don’t want to be alone, remind them that they’ll get to spend all day with you tomorrow – but they need to sleep first.
1. They Might Not Be Ready for a ‘Big Kid’ Bed
Transitioning a child from a crib to a ‘big boy’ bed is a significant milestone in their life. Of course, that’s why it’s so important for parents to recognize when your child might not be ready for this change.
At the end of the day, forcing it on your child won’t make the situation any better.
With that said, some children might be getting up in the middle of the night because they’re not ready to give up their crib. In that case, go back to the crib, but don’t give up on the ‘big kid’ bed altogether.
How to Get Your Child to Fall Asleep at Night
We’ve all gotten into bed at night just to lay there for hours on end trying to fall asleep. It’s not fun, it’s not healthy, and it almost always results in us waking up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’ the following morning.
While an adult can easily overcome and fix this, children often have a hard time coping with it.
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But don’t worry – there are a ton of things you can do to help your child fall asleep at night.
For example, avoiding stimulating activities (playtime, running around the house) and screen time (TV, tablets, smartphones) at least an hour before bedtime can help your child wind down after a long day.
Here are five other helpful tips when your child can’t seem to fall asleep on their own.
5. Give Your Child a New Comfort Toy for Bedtime
We all grew up with a stuffed animal or blankey that we couldn’t live (or sleep) without. It traveled with us everywhere we went and provided the security and emotional support we needed in that moment.
That’s why they call it a comfort toy.
Comfort toys can make a child feel safe, especially when alone in their bed. The presence of a familiar object can help alleviate fears and anxieties associated with the dark or being separated from parents.
If your child doesn’t already have one, take them to the store and let them pick one out. It could make all the difference in the world.
4. Improve Your Child’s Sleep Environment
Many parents overlook just how important our sleep environment is to our sleep quality (and quantity). In the right environment, kids will fall asleep within minutes of being put down – even if they’re not tired.
At the same time, the wrong environment can make bedtime seem like more of a nightmare.
To ensure your child is sleeping in a positive environment, make sure the room is as dark and quiet as possible, free of technology, and the temperature is somewhere between 68 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Establish a Consistent Bedtime Routine
A consistent routine helps signal to your child’s body and mind that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. This helps regulate their internal clock and makes falling asleep easier, quicker, and less stressful.
It also promotes relaxation, eases the anxiety, and encourages healthy sleeping patterns.
A typical bedtime routine usually lasts between 20 to 45 minutes and includes several steps – including bath time, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, quiet play, story time, and a hug and kiss goodnight.
2. Read Them a Bedtime Story
Bedtime stories are a cherished part of many children’s nightly routines, and they play a significant role in helping children fall asleep. They very well might be a parent’s best friend when bedtime rolls around.
The challenge is finding a bedtime story your child likes – even if that means making one up.
To make this experience a little more calming for everyone involved, try dimming the lights and using a soft voice when reading the story. And don’t be afraid to cuddle up with your child while you read it!
1. Give Them a Healthy & Light Bedtime Snack
Going to bed hungry can lead to restless sleep or frequent wake-ups, but a light snack can prevent your child from feeling hungry during the night – meaning they can enjoy a full night’s rest (free of disturbance).
A small snack can also help stabilize blood sugar levels and provide key nutrients needed for sleep.
With that said, it’s important to choose snacks that are healthy, light, and promote relaxation – such as a banana, whole grain crackers with cheese, yogurt, oatmeal, warm milk, apple slices, and turkey slices.
Sleep Is Important – Especially for a Growing Child
According to the Sleep Foundation, a strong majority of all kids (two-thirds, to be exact) graduate to a big boy or big girl bed between the ages of 18 months and 2.5 years – though some might wait a little longer.
This is an important time for you and your child. They not only have to learn how to sleep on their own, but they need to understand why sleep is important and why we need our 8-10 hours every night.
It also gives you an opportunity to teach them the difference between sleep quality and sleep quantity. Just because you’re getting 8-10 hours of sleep each night, doesn’t mean you’re getting quality sleep.
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At the end of the day, we wouldn’t be able to function properly without giving our mind, body, and soul an opportunity to rest, repair, rejuvenate, and revitalize itself – and that goes for both children and adults.